Today in Tech Support:

Me: "Internet tech support, how may I help you?"

Him: "My TV doesn't work"

Me: "You mean you can't turn it on?"

H: "No sound is coming out"

M: "..."

H: "There's a flat box that hooks into the TV"

M: "Well, you've called in to [company name] internet technical support, I can't really help you with your TV. You'll have to contact the manufacturer of your television."

H: "But I can't get it to work"

M: "What's the brand name on the box you hook to your TV?"

H: "[name of competitor's cable box]"

M: "You will need to call [competitor] for help with this"

H: "Do you have their number?"

M: "No. I'm sure they're in the phone book."

H: "Oh."

M: "Have a nice day"